Scared.

Wow you guys, I am so scared right now. 😦 Have you ever worked for something SO hard and sacrificed not only part of you but your family as well only to find out that maybe that something isn’t what you really wanted after all?

I am having a really difficult time at work. I don’t want to go into all the details or anything, but things aren’t lining up the way I wanted/expected them to. So now I have to sit back and ask myself so many questions. Is this something that happens to all nurses once they start their new jobs? Is this actually what I want I just happen to be frustrated and new? What exactly is it that’s making me so stressed out and depressed?

This is so hard for me. I feel like I come home from work crying, I spend my time with my family crying, and I leave for work crying. That’s abnormal, you guys. A-B-N-O-R-M-A-L. I have had the past four days off of work and the only thing I continually think about is the fact that I have to return to work on Tuesday. *sigh*

I haven’t been able to fully enjoy my weekend off with my family. I’ve been crying constantly and worrying my husband. I feel like I’ve been putting off my sweet little boy and that makes me cry more. I have no idea what to do.

Have any of you ever changed careers so early on? Am I the only one who thinks that maybe the career path they chose and spent so much time (and other people’s money on…*cringe*) just isn’t what they thought it would be? Ack. I hope this passes.

Oh, and p.s. here was the daily quote I found in my email: “The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.” -Gen. Norman Schwarzkoff

Totally unfair ’cause I swear I don’t know what to do. Jerk daily quote.

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4 Responses

  1. Hey doll. Man. I wish I had an answer for you. But I don’t. Just lots and lots of hugs and love. :o) Dave and Bradley love you unconditionally, I know they do. Hang in there and stop beating yourself up so much. You are a wonderful person and in time you will know what the right decision will be for you and your family. In the meantime, let’s have a glass of wine together! LOL.

  2. Hi – I found your blog listed (along with mine) at the Eat Local Challenge. It seems like we have a lot in common: breastfeeding & midwifery advocates, eating local, and I’m a nurse too. I totally understand what you’re going through as a new nurse. I graduated from nursing school five years ago and started on a med-surg floor. I’ve never had such a stressful period of my life, ever. My orientation was the worst part, because my preceptor and I didn’t like each other at all. I hated my job for almost two years, then something clicked and I suddenly got much more comfortable with my workload. Ten months ago I moved to the OR, and I’m so much happier. One patient at a time is so much easier!

    It sounds like you are having a rougher time than most. Take a good look at your situation. Is your workplace supportive? Do you get along with the people there? Can you switch to a different shift or a different unit? Can you cut back your hours? Can you talk to your manager or someone else about how bad you feel?

    If you haven’t already found allnurses.com, check out the forums there. Good luck and hang in there!

  3. oh i am so sorry for you
    hmmm, what is in your heart??
    does your work situation make you unhappy?
    is there anything you can change about it?
    nothing is worth your unhappiness. period.
    forget about everything else…what would make YOU happy??
    theres your answer….

  4. oops wanted to ask..did you send me some charm squares?? err what were they for??
    hehe

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